Let Go

Happiness - something everybody wants yet not everyone can achieve; something simple, yet so delicate that it can be tricky when trying to obtain. "Just be happy - smile! Laugh it off, whatever!" you'd tell yourself when you're feeling down. You would convince yourself to be happy just because you want to feel good for once but would that really do the work? Will that smile of yours really conceal everything that you're bottling deep down? The real question is: Are you really happy?

You've had those days, where you sit in front of your desk, thinking: This is it. I don't want to live like this any longer. I want to change my lifestyle, and do what it takes to be genuinely happy again. And then you start making plans - going out with friends for a movie, have a meal with your partner, binge watch on your favourite TV show with your best friend - you name it.  You do it with the people you love, because you want to be happy again. You have a phenomenal time, it went extremely well. But slowly, unconsciously, you find yourself dwindling back to your original state again, where you were troubled and was weighed down by the load you carried on your shoulders. You try your best to climb back up, clinching onto any bits and pieces that could possibly give you a hand because no one else will, but then become overwhelmed again by the anxiety and the negative thoughts - showing your efforts had just come to no avail and you just get thrusted back to rock bottom - again. As much as you hate it, you're no longer surprised, you've become immune to it. All these outings - they're nothing but merely a distraction for your mind. It makes you happy oh yes it does but only for the time you've been distracted for - You were only temporarily happy.

One thing that we undeniably overlook in our lives, is letting go. We hold on tight to things, things that often we don't even realise mean nothing to us anymore. Our sentimentality stops us from letting go, even if they're memories, moments or incidents that are toxic, just because we wouldn't know, not wether are they toxic but how to eliminate them from ourselves, from our lives without being a different individual. Holding onto things has become such a common reaction that you eventually turn into an accumulated bottle of positive, AND negative memories. You can no longer filter them, and for all you know a bad memory would just hit you at any time, and you hate it because it gets you so emotionally affected by it. You try your best to keep it in, because you can't explain it without looking like a fool if someone were to ask. I know what you think - they just don't understand, and I agree. You're better off faking it than having to reveal your true feelings, just because it could lead to more unwanted things.

Your mind is constantly cloudy because just when you're intoxicated by a good thought, you would sense something bad coming, and you'd rather just not think of anything altogether. Eventually it just becomes all too overwhelming and you're mentally so, so tired of having to think before thinking because what you think might not turn out to be how you think it'd be. And its true - some people just don't get it, they don't have a concoction of thoughts as jumbled up as you do - and its fine! Its okay to be this way, letting go, for some people is indeed not easy. We throw everything into the same pile and we blame ourselves after that, but we can't help it.

The thing about pain is, it demands to be felt. We feel pain when we want things we can't have, yet when we have it we do not acknowledge its existence. We are indeed a weird creature, the definition of happiness varies for every individual - it could be receiving a watch to you, but it simply means being loved to me. Whatever it is, be a little kinder than you have to, see the light in others and treat them as if that is all you see, and you will find yourself feeling happier each day.

Whatever you're going through, you probably made it all the way here because it is tough. But take my word, that in the end, E V E R Y T H I N G will be fine - if its not fine its not the end. Good luck, and don't forget to shower yourself with the love you're busy giving others.

Talk soon. X